"Be good to yourself." — Theo Von
Earlier this week I saw a post on the Theo Von subreddit that asked, “What does “Be good to yourself” mean for you?”.
Reddit users replied with…
“Life is already hard without you being hard on yourself.”
“Treat yourself as you would treat your friend.”
“It’s about forgiving yourself for a mishap and past mistakes and accepting you’re not perfect. Switch your inner dialogue to a positive one and not be too hard about past failures.”
Back in my crazy [READ: borderline obsessive] “health” & fitness days, I was so hard on myself. I took things (and myself) way too seriously and wasn’t always fun to be around.
Flogging myself in 2012 if I “messed up” my diet, missed a workout, or didn’t get to sleep by a certain time.
I was not good to myself.
The Stoics understood this 2,000 years ago…
When Seneca wrote his letters, he questioned if he was making progress with Stoicism. He asked himself…
“What does getting better look like?”
“How do you know any of this is working?”
For guidance, he turned to your favorite philosopher’s favorite philosopher who said…
“What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself.” — Hecato
[credit to Ryan Holiday for this story and THANK YOU for introducing me to Stoicism in 2016]
So, how do you know if you’re making real progress on your health & fitness journey?
Well… are you kind to yourself? Forgiving? Compassionate?
Are you focused on progress rather than perfection?
Are you a friend to yourself? Are you good to yourself?
Not, “Am I jacked?”
Not, “Do I have a six-pack?”
And not even, “Do random chicks come up to me at Vegas pool parties and say, ‘I’m sorry but I have to touch you!’”
Yes those things are nice and usually a byproduct of your healthy habits. And it’s all that younger Steve cared about. But it’s so much deeper (and yet simpler) for Nice Little Body Steve.
Am I enough? [SPOILER: yes]
Am I at peace?
Am I a good friend to myself?
“A person who is a friend to themselves is an aid to all mankind.” — Seneca
You must be good to yourself to be good to others.
“Should an emergency occur, secure your oxygen mask before attempting to help others. Otherwise I’ll have to give you mouth-to-mouth…”
And… You deserve to be good to yourself! (Theo said this, too)
4x Mr. Olympia Classic Physique winner Chris Bumstead was recently on Chris Williamson’s ‘Modern Wisdom’ podcast. CBum has dealt with depression & anxiety throughout his life.
When asked what his inner voice is like now, he said, “Mental health in general is putting in reps. It’s continuously giving yourself the love you need mentally & physically. I’m trying to build a lot more empathy & compassion for myself… I didn’t directly shame myself, but I expected more of myself, and that’s a form of shame in itself… expecting something out of myself that maybe I’m not ready for or just rather than accepting who I am and where I’m at in my life.”
Shame vs. Guilt according to Brené Brown
Brown says a common misconception is that shame and guilt are the same thing.
"What's interesting is guilt gets a really bad rap, but guilt is a very socially adaptive emotion. Guilt is 'I did something bad,’ and shame is 'I am bad.'
Guilt says, I've done something or failed to do something that is aligned with my values. And it feels awful. I need to make amends, make a change and hold myself accountable. I need to fix it.
Shame is a lot more damaging as it says, ‘You are a bad person.’ Shame is the fear of being unworthy of love, connection, and belonging.
So, we have to say to ourselves, 'Look, I'm not a bad person, but I did a bad thing. And I've got to fix that thing and make amends.’ So, when you see people making amends, being accountable, it's not because it's driven by shame, it's because it's driven by guilt and a combination of guilt and empathy."
Remember this when you miss a workout, or the next time you eat or drink a little too much. You may feel guilty. But you are not a bad person. I’ll argue you didn’t even do anything “bad.” You deviated from your plan for a minute. It’s fine. Don’t make it any worse. Learn from it and get back to making progress.
What would you tell a friend if they felt guilt or shame and were being too hard on themselves? Especially over something trivial.
Be a friend to yourself.
Be good to yourself.
Show up for yourself daily. (progress, not perfection)…
- positive self-talk (be calm, be nice, be kind, & show yourself empathy)
- eat nutritious foods and limit poor choices
- workout, exercise, be active, play
- get quality sleep
- spend time with whoever helps you feel great
- do whatever else helps you feel great (before, during, & after that activity)
Tip from a Dietician
Emmaline Rasmussen of Sound Nutrition recently told me something helpful. When working with a new client, she always adds in good foods before removing bad foods. This makes it easier for you to adjust to eating good food without feeling deprived of the stuff you love. Over time, you’ll naturally want more of the good stuff and less of the bad.
Try it for yourself!
P.S. People will argue with me about labeling foods as “good” & “bad.” Semantics.
Thank you for reading.
feel great. rock a nice little bod. enjoy life.
steve